Friday, January 6, 2012

Is Your Refrigerator Running?

In true Winter Term Fashion, my refrigerator appears to be broken.  I say "appears" because even though everything in the freezer is thawed to fridge temperature and the water bottle I just pulled out of the fridge is not as cold as it should be, I am not ready to face the fact that I will have to go fridge shopping.  Pronto.  

Winter Terms are consistently bad for me.  Two years ago, my FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer during Winter Term.  He was on and off the vent and I was back and forth between my house, school (1 hour commute) and my father-in-law's house/the hospital (2.5 hour drive).  It...wasn't fun.

Last year, however, was the Winter Term of Epically Bad Proportions.  Nursing school was hell.  19 of my fellow students flunked out in a five week period.  That was 50% of our class.  I would literally go to class one day and the person I had sat next to the day before would be gone.  Gone.  Everyone was on the verge of flunking out.  The curriculum was rough and the teachers were mean.  It was one of the worst winters in years and the roads were terrible.  I would sometimes have to leave 2.5 hours before a class began just to make sure I was on time.  I also had one of the worst bouts of depression I have ever experienced.  The months leading up to Matthew's fifth birthday were awful for me. I miss my baby boy so much every single day, but last winter the weight of it felt too heavy to breathe. One of the most undeserving-of-pregnancy women in known existence to myself was pregnant and due in March.  Unfortunately for me, she is also family.  I also had a "break-up" with one of my closest friends in January; the relationship had been a toxic one for a long time, but it was still hard to end communication with her.  To top it all off, Jerry went from working 40+ hours a week to being cut down to around 10 due to poor management practices and a bad economy at his employer.  So we were broke.  And Jer was really frustrated.  

Just awful. I don't know how I lived through it.  

So I would really like Winter Term 2010 to be mild-mannered and pleasant in comparison to the last two years.  Really.  Classes start Monday and I am busy this term.  17 credits.  Not the most I've had to take at once, but not a light load either.  I am just praying for everything to go smoothly.

It is time to get on the pre-pregnancy health wagon.  Seriously this time.  I know I said I was going to start working out more and eating better several months ago, but I freaking mean it this time.  As previously mentioned, I quit the birth control pill last spring (summer?) and have been using prayer, rough counting methods, and the enforced abstinence that my long-distance relationship has sprung upon us as my birth control method.  I am now officially in the grey area between January and June when it is not official TTC time, but a pregnancy would not be unwelcome or extremely poorly timed.  And I just don't think there's an OB out there who would call swallowing my prenatal vitamin down with Red Bull every morning an adequate pre-conception diet.  I have a true motivation deficit when it comes to physical activity, and I am busy enough to make excuses.  I'm going to stop doing that.  I swear.  Stay tuned.  I guess I can start by perusing the aisles of Lowe's for that fridge tomorrow.

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