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Friday, September 30, 2011

Still Flailing Along

This week was Week 1 of school for me.  When compared to my previous Week 1s it is exactly the same.  We are absolutely broke.  Classes are intimidating and overwhelming.  The commute lasts forever.  The mommy guilt is heartbreaking.  I am behind from the starting gate.  The list of things to know and study is already a mile long.  There are piles of forms to fill out.  I have trouble getting motivated.  Oh, and clinicals are TEN hours long this year, so clinicals are freaking me out too.  I am snappy and anxious and tired and alone.  And I have no idea how I am going to pull this off.  Yep...the usual. 

Today, I had an appointment that I really needed to get to.  I laid down to rest for a moment and fell instantly asleep.  I woke up ten minutes after my appointment time. I panicked.  I called them and said I'd had car trouble and should I come now or reschedule?  They rescheduled.  I hate making up fake excuses because I feel like I am jinxing myself.  Now I probably will have car trouble.  I have never used "my kid is sick" as an untrue excuse because I am afraid...well, you get the picture.  So I am very frustrated with myself and the fact that I never seem to do anything all that well.  I never seem to handle things beautifully.  Let's hope I can get a few things done over the weekend so I don't go crazy by Sunday.