Thursday, December 5, 2013

A Little Complaining and a Little Christmas Cheer

Hello out there!  I feel like I should re-introduce myself after my unintended hiatus.  I'm Reese.  Hi.  How have you all been?

Things have been status quo for the most part.  My career complaints continue.  T-bug keeps on growing at an astounding pace.  Roo is really starting to take off in Kindergarten.  It's about 20 below right now.  Brrr. 

Since my last ranting post regarding my job prospects, I was called by the Option B hospital for a job interview.  I was interviewed in a room with 7 people.  I thought I was going to faint the entire time, but when I left I had the feeling I had done well, and I don't usually get that feeling after job interviews.  But it wasn't all good news.  The job was a per diem hospice position with no regular hours and extensive weekly and holiday call hours.  I would have to stay in the town during call time because I live an hour away and you have to respond to calls within 30 minutes.  So I would have to stay in a hotel or with someone I vaguely know during those times.  Translation:  nights away from my kids.  Something I am already doing and actually making money at.  Call time only pays $2.50 an hour if you aren't called in.  The thing is?  I really wanted that job.  I didn't know how much I wanted it until I was in the interview.  The people interviewing me were lovely.  And I realized I would be GOOD at hospice, even though it isn't an area I felt I was heading towards in school.  

After the interview, I cried in the grocery store parking lot.  I had this feeling I had done well in the interview, but I knew there was probably no way I could take the job.  Sure enough, two days later they offered it to me.  I tried to negotiate a bit on the call time to see if we could work something out, but in the end I had to turn it down.  The manager was very nice and said she would put a note in my profile stating how hire-able I was.  Since then--nothing.  

The following weekend I went to do my three days at work, and I had the hardest time I've had yet.  Jerry was working nights that week, which he is terrible at adjusting to.  He had stayed up late into the morning to finish a few things and the kids were with their grandparents.  He fell asleep without setting an alarm or turning the ringer up on his phone.  When I got off work that night, I couldn't reach him for three hours.  When I called to check on the kids, they said he had said he would grab them but hadn't shown up.  I ended up sending my dad to our house to find him.  Of course he had only fallen asleep, but I was inconsolable.  My frustration at being so far away and my fear that something bad will happen while I'm gone just combined into one big fat panic attack.  Needless to say, I ended up yelling at Jerry and spent much of the weekend crying my eyes out when I wasn't working.  

These job struggles have been throwing off every aspect of my life lately.  And with Obamacare about to land, the hospitals aren't hiring like they normally would.  I'm still applying like crazy, but the constant rejection can really get to a girl.  Being away from the kiddos for three days at a time is excruciating.  Up until T-Bug was born I hadn't even been away from Roo for more than 2 days, and she was 5.  Now I'm spending three days away from home at a time while breastfeeding?  It sucks.  I am someone who needs to know where I'm headed, needs a plan, so to say I'm not weathering this situation well would be an understatement.  We are waiting to start house hunting until we figure out where I'll be working.  We are waiting to try for another baby until we figure out where I'll be working.  We are waiting to find permanent child care for T-Bug until we figure out where I'll be working.  I feel like everything is waiting on a new job right now. 

Honestly, I've been considering the possibility that I may need to go on an anti-depressant or an anti-anxiety medication.  But I'm breastfeeding, and I do not want to quit early to go on something.  I think that would make me feel worse.  T-Bug will barely take formula as it is, and he isn't very interested in solids yet.  And I'm much better when I'm home than when I'm gone.  When I'm at work I do alright while I am busy, it's the twelve hours I am off between shifts that go badly.  Basically right now I am still hoping this will all sort itself out.  I wasn't having an excessive amount of trouble adjusting to being away from the kids when we lived close to my work and I was only gone for twelve hours.  So I'm hoping that if/when I find a new job, most of these issues will resolve themselves.  I don't know.  

Ohh...let's talk about babies, shall we?  How are your babies?  Mine are just delightful.  Roo is liking Kindergarten.  She kind of does her own thing there.  Plays with boys mostly and doesn't seem too wrapped up in playing with one specific group.  We are word-blending like crazy around here and she is really starting to get it.  She has always loved books so she is actually motivated to read.  Her handwriting is terrible, though, and we practice that a lot at home.  She's a leftie so I think it's just coming to her a bit slower.  She gets it from her dad.  She absolutely adores her baby brother and he loves her right back.  I truly did not expect them to love each other so much, but they have the loveliest relationship.  Every morning when she gets up she runs to his crib and climbs in it to love on him for a moment.  He squeals with delight when he sees her.  She tells me she is going to have a baby boy named Tractor when she grows up and a baby girl whose name changes almost daily. 

T-Bug is crawling at the speed of light, standing and cruising, saying "Mamamama" to get my attention, and getting into everything.  He loves to stick his hands in the toilet.  He loves to stick his hands in the outlets (I have them covered now, of course).  The garbage can in the pantry is also fun.  He is quite the Mama's boy and follows me from room to room.  He also gets away from me frequently and can hide himself in corners fairly well.  We live in a townhouse so the master bedroom, master bath, living room, dining room, and kitchen are on the first floor and there are two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs as well.  I keep the first floor child-proofed really well and then let Roo go wild with her tiny little girly toys upstairs since T-Bug still rooms with us.  That system is working pretty well so far.  Roo is good about not bringing small toys downstairs and only needs the occasional reminder.  We also have an unfinished basement where the laundry room and litter box are kept.  This door is kept closed and has a baby gate that is also always closed for safety.  He will go to anybody unless I am the one passing him off.  He does very well with Jerry when I am away, but he is a bit clingy when I return.  His laugh is currently the ringtone on my phone.  

He doesn't have much interest in walking, but I can see him letting go of the couch and standing with no support frequently now so I know as soon as he decides to walk, he will.  He's 8.5 months old now, and it's going by so fast.  He still doesn't sleep through the night since he started waking up again at about 5.5 months.  I'm convinced if he would take more solids instead of insisting on a constant supply of breast milk he would sleep better, but try telling him that.  So I'm a bit sleep deprived and I use that as an excuse to take a nap with him every day.  The things I go through.  Every stage is so much fun with both of them so far.

Speaking of fun...Christmas is coming.  I'm normally a bit of a Grinch when left in my natural habitat, but Christmas with little kids is magic.  At 6, I am aware that Roo only has a limited amount of time left to believe in Santa.  The other day she told me that the Tooth Fairy isn't real because she's never seen her.  Uh-oh.  So this house is turning into a Christmas ornament painting, felt-Christmas-tree cutting, hot glue-gunning center of magic this year.  And it's my baby's first Christmas to boot!  On top of it my "Holistic Care of the Older Adult" class wraps on Friday and ACLS classes finish up on Wednesday.  I can read for pleasure again!  I can watch Netflix until I pass out without feeling like I should be studying!  It is going to rock!