Monday, August 22, 2011

Growing Pains and Tires

Let's see...haven't posted for quite a few days.   My dad and brother came to visit so that kept me busy at home for about a week.  Then last week I headed back to North Dakota to visit my guy and continue the quest for a longer term place for him to stay through the winter.  Mission was successful, but the place needs some serious remodeling.  These people had...too many cats.  Please keep in mind that I am no kind of cat hater.  I have three cats myself, a number many people would think is too many.  Actually, I think 3 cats is too many, but the cats found me and my oldest is 11 now so I'm committed to the cats I already have.  But I digress.  I am neurotic about cat odors; I have to be with a high number of cats in a small square footage.  I have hardwood floors and the litter boxes live in their own room away from high traffic areas.  The previous owners of our new little gem did not have the same neurosis.  I counted 5 cats roaming around outside the house that the owner claimed were strays....they were pretty friendly strays and they kept running inside the house when the door was opened.  And the inside smells like cats have been there for years.  Eew.  Our first project is to rip out all carpet and primer and paint every wall, floor, and ceiling before replacing the flooring and actually having the Man move into the place.  Any extra tips on ridding a place of old cat smells?

I drove all the way to North Dakota never noticing how bad my tires are.  The Husband noticed this problem Saturday afternoon, but every tire shop around here is closed on Sunday.  This morning I didn't get into town early enough and there was a 3.5 hour wait before they could even get to my car.  And I had to leave the keys with them since they don't do appointments.  4-4.5 hours in a waiting room with a four year old just isn't my idea of fun.  The only tire shop without a long wait had prices that were excessive even to my untrained tire-selecting eyes.  So I am trying again tomorrow, but for now I am stranded since I have been advised not to drive on those tires.  This is a minor setback, but I am dying to rip out some nasty carpet.

Back in January I stopped talking to a friend that I have known since I was 13 years old.  It was very painful, but she has had some serious mental illness over the last five or so years and I simply felt like I couldn't help her and handle my own problems at the same time anymore.  At the time she was pretty mean and let me know that my attempts to help were unwelcome and unappreciated; now she claims she was "really messed up" at the time and didn't mean what she said.  This is not the first time something like this had happened.  We were in the midst of about her 5th psych hospitalization in about two years.   I felt like it was time to move on. 

Within a few months however, she started making it very clear that she feels I abandoned her when she had been a good friend to me.  She said that she felt like I just cut her off when she had been there for me all through Matthew and the aftermath.  I do feel like she was a very good friend to me back in 2006 when I was going through all that.  The thing is, I can't think of much since that time, only her problems and my inability to help much. And she has had constant drama since we were 17.  Constant.  In the interest of privacy, I don't feel I can vividly describe her life here, but trust me.  I love this friend very much, but I can't do it anymore.  When you are in a psych ward with someone at 3am and you have a test in four hours and this isn't the first time this has happened and your friend only hates you for your efforts to help, what are you losing by walking away?  I've tried to be clear that I don't hate her, I just don't know how to help anymore.  And it's not that I feel she has too many problems and doesn't want to listen to mine.  On more than one occasion she has interrupted me talking about one thing or another to tell me that at least my life is together and I don't really have any problems. "She's the one with the real problems, not me." 

She has not improved in health in the seven months or so since we've been talking less. Whenever she initiates contact, I have tried to be polite but brief.  I did call her on her birthday (she didn't call on mine--in fact she never even remembers mine). I was wondering if cutting someone who used to be your friend but isn't anymore out of your life is just not done?  Am I cruel to feel like I've simply outgrown a few old friends and to just want to move on in peace with no hard feelings? It's not that I feel like I have too many friends; friends are hard to come by.  The thing is, I don't much feel like I've lost a friend.  I think I lost my friend a long time ago.  I feel like as we move farther and farther from childhood and into our own lives the differences are just too vast to overcome.

This has been kind of a jumbly sort of post.  I am going to spend the afternoon walking to Dairy Queen with my kiddo and attempting to tidy up the Husband's bachelor pad.  My laptop needs some maintenance done, and I still need to get a current picture up of my daughter.  It's supposed to be 98 here today, so it's a good afternoon for indoor activities.  Also, the mosquitoes in North Dakota are the worst I've ever seen anywhere.  Eat your dinner outside at your own risk; I have probably ten mosquito bites on my arms alone from last night's picnic.

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