Two Things I Will Give You the Death Stare For Saying

I have no experience living in a really.tiny.town. A town where the gas station closes at 7pm. I asked a woman I met what the childcare was like. And she told me there are no day cares. At all. This won't be an issue for my daughter since she'll be starting school next fall, but for the next baby? The hardware store is closed on the weekends. Not a chain store in sight. I don't mind the quiet, the friendly people, but....I like Target. And Costco. What will I do when I move over next spring and there are none of these things. I haven't called to inquire about Internet yet because I am sure I will be cringing at the slow dial-up I'll be stuck with. Speaking of an Internet connection, I won't have one for a few days after this afternoon. I'm headed back to Montana on Monday. To home. And high-speed wireless. And stores that are always open.

The new school year is looming in front of me. In spite of my love of lazy summer days, I am excited to get back to it. I have no illusions that this year will be easy, since I don't have the Man to help out. Last year really sucked, even with backup. But I find myself ready all the same. Ready to wrap this up. The next few months (well 10 months if I'm gonna be a buzzkill) are all that stands between me and my degree and the option of another baby. Mentally ready, anyway. As far as all the things that need to get done before I am organized and prepared for the onslaught of schoolwork and sleep deprivation...I've got a long way to go. Summer has been nearly as much of a free-for-all as the school year was.

Got some interesting comments from people in our lives yesterday. I now have an official list of statements that are likely to make me try to scratch your eyes out:

1. "Don't be offended, but I never thought you guys would make it after Matthew passed away." From the wife of one of the Man's old friends who have followed behind us on this little sojourn to North Dakota. Umm....what makes people think they should say shit like this? If this was the first time I had heard this from someone I'd probably let it slide. But it's not. I have heard this more times than I can count over the past five years. Is this intended to be a compliment? Or is it more like, "Wow, you guys are really a train wreck. Can't believe you're still trying to make it work." Right. Thanks for the support. And shut up.

2. "Why don't you just move and finish school in North Dakota so you guys don't have to be apart? What's the rush?" From pretty much everyone we've talked to this summer. Umm....what makes people think they should say shit like this? The Man and I have been over this many times and we are in complete agreement that I need to stay put and finish school. So why do I find myself explaining it over and over again? Of course we are scared and sad that we have to be apart. Thanks for pointing it out to me so that I can feel guilty all over again for not being a "good wife" and going wherever my "husband" goest. Thanks for the support. And shut up.

Since I did not bring along the proper equipment, I can't post any new pictures from my camera until I get home. In this area of North Dakota, there are many sunflower farms and thus many fields with huge sunflowers as far as the eye can see. I am dragging the kiddo, my camera, and an old chair out into them this afternoon to try to get some cute pics.

Insomnia

I figured with all the running around I have been doing an extra energy drink wouldn't hurt anything....apparently that is incorrect. Have been trying to sleep for more than 2 hours so I am giving up for the moment.

Finally managed to get new tires on my car this morning. Had to kill two hours at Wally World while I waited. Had breakfast. Located the ATM. ATM would not read card. Walk 1/4 mile down the street with four year old in tow to find another ATM. Perused the disappointingly small toy section until my name was called. Done.

Got to go to the "new" house and meet the previous owners. Tore out some NASTY carpet. And I do mean nasty. The surprise came at the end of the evening when I noted an interesting shape of mold (the scientist part of me really wanted to take a sample to run at the campus lab back home, but I held off) where the washer had been. Fucking disgusting. And Bonus! The floor is completely rotted underneath. This needs to be fixed yesterday. Unfortunately, I am not that handy with a skills saw (shocker, right? The Man, while not good in a fire emergency, is great with a saw). So I have been delegated the task of slathering on primer while the husband works. My mother-in-law is coming up on Friday to help out. Hopefully I can get a lot done by then. If I can eliminate some of the overwhelming cat odor by then, people might actually be willing to enter the house and help out. Carpet removal and paint should help with that. Right?! Anxiety levels are definitely up.

The footage that I watched of the fire back home is really freaking me out. Fire still not contained. Some of my neighbors were interviewed for the local news because the fire was so.close. By the grace of God go I. Thinking about my belongings scattered amongst neighbors and random friends and my cats stashed in the garage of the empty house my mother has up for sale is upsetting. I didn't know if I should head home right away, but I'm generally thinking the disaster waiting for me back home can wait a few days while I attempt to get shit under control here. It seems like every time I head over to be with the Man, everything falls apart at home. Escape artist dog who howls so much at being left alone that Animal Control gets called. Front door that mysteriously opens in the middle of the night, freeing 3 previously indoor cats out into the wild. And now...forest fires.

My crazy little mother is now infamous in my neighborhood for the way she handled things during the fire. She didn't remember where the shed keys were kept so, instead of wasting time looking, my 110 lb mother lopped the lock off with a shovel. The neighbor who observed this started our next conversation with, "So...I met your mother. And I think I see where you get it from now."

I have been vaguely wondering where the hell my period is. I don't seem to have any warning symptoms, but I have had an intense craving for lemonade. And no period. Not sure if I am late, since I had that weird bleeding a few weeks ago that never really resembled a period but went on for several days. If that bleeding was just a freak of a period, I should be fine. If it wasn't....Crap. I want a baby very badly in the next year or so, but I am not on my prenatal diet. And for my own peace of mind I need to be. Pregnancy is too dangerous a journey for me to not go into it ready for battle. When my brother was in town, I went out drinking with him and had a few too many. I also had a few cigarettes with said drinks. Because I have never had a night on the town to hang out with my brother. And for me, traveling a lot naturally comes with a lot of junk food. Cheetos, energy drinks, fast food. And I've been lax on my prenatal vitamins as well. It's too soon to have a meltdown over this obviously, but....it would be exactly like my life for it to happen now instead of at a time when we were done planning for it. I am honestly afraid to touch anyone's baby for fear that my mommy hormones will spike and override my prevention techniques. I've proposed a temporary abstinence program to the Man (to ease my paranoia) but it was not well-received. Huh.

Well, I've written down everything I can think of, and I'm still not tired but I guess it's time to stare at the ceiling some more. Also, please note that I have stopped italicizing the fonts here. It's too girly and it could create some misconceptions about who I am. I'm not that girly.

Still Standing

So the fire apparently burned a nice semicircle that covers more than 2000 acres around our house last night. My cats are huddling in my mother's garage and last night's pandemonium seems to have passed, but the fire rages on so we will see where it goes. I noted in the middle of all this that my Husband is not good to have in a crisis. If your car needs fixed? Yes. If your house is about to burn down and you have to decide quickly what items to have your mother and neighbors scoop out in about 15 minutes? Not so much. My irritation with him remained into the morning. Even the normally sweet sight of him sleeping with the dog did nothing to make it go away. I wanted to bash him over the head with my heaviest cast iron skillet, but alas, it was dirty and sitting in the kitchen sink. So I scrubbed it instead.

Another interesting new term that I Googled last night: Homeowner's Insurance. Apparently, we are supposed to have this. Apparently everything is supposed to be insured. Even the kid's toys at Wally World come with an optional warranty that you can purchase at the cash register. I first heard this term late last night when my father called from Arizona and asked if we had any. I could hear him rolling his eyes as he attempted to explain yet another intricacy of being an adult to his reformed (well, partially reformed really) wild-child of a daughter. I just don't get this whole grown-up thing quite yet. Real grown-ups cope by pulling out their insurance forms; I cope by fantasizing about what part of my body I should get pierced. Oh, and which television superhero is going to save me from the grown-up world: Michael Weston from Burn Notice or Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. Hmmm.

Just When You Think You Are Safe--Wildfire!

Big news back home tonight. If I still have a home. A wildfire is dangerously near my house and I am 650 miles away. Right now my mother and a few loyal neighbors are trying to rescue what they can from the house. Getting the cats out, the chest with my son's belongings, the Man's gunsafe, family pictures, a computer. Praying that I don't lose everything I own. I feel nauseous.