The PlacentaCrisis of 2012 certainly hasn’t improved my psychological state. Thank God for my Doppler. This little guy is pretty cooperative when it comes to moving in a reassuringly regular pattern, but if he dares to oversleep? I whip out that Doppler. So far it has done nothing but provide reassurance. I was a bit cautious about purchasing one because I wanted to avoid any can’t-find-the-heartbeat crises that a Doppler might cause, but I think waiting until I was a bit into my second trimester took away much of that risk.
In my years of experience with grief since Matthew died, I’ve learned that there are times when it’s best not to fight against my instincts. Right now, I really just feel like hunkering down and not leaving the house much. I like being close to home so that I can best control my stress levels and blood pressure. I do feel alone and isolated. Living on the frontier certainly adds to that feeling. In past years I’ve tried to force myself to interact and live a life with a full social schedule during times like these, but it never really worked. His birthday, the anniversary of his death, and anytime I feel pregnant and emotionally vulnerable are now all completely acceptable reasons to hide out a bit. Maybe it’s not the healthiest way to get through, but it does get me through.
So here I am at 26, almost 27 weeks along. Go team. I swear I get a bit more relaxed after 27 weeks, and even more cheerful after 30. One day at a time, right?