27 Weeks

Actually, it's 26 weeks and 6 days if you want to get technical, but my BBC app always starts the new count on Sunday and I have come to do the same.  It's my cheat day, if you will.

Yesterday morning, I was just coming to the surface of consciousness.  The baby always starts kicking away right when I am waking up.  I wait for him before I get out of bed.  When I was pregnant with Roo I waited for her too.  This time he didn't start kicking.  I laid in bed for another hour with my eyes closed, getting more and more frantic. Finally, just as I was about to dive for the Doppler, he fluttered around a bit.  Enough to satisfy me for the moment, but not enough to alleviate my worries about his altered movement pattern.

So...I guess I have some mixed emotions about making it to 27 weeks.  I'm so glad.  For me, 27 weeks is a huge landmark to hit.  I can't believe that those two little lines back in July have made it this far, but I'm so excited.  There is a rational area of my brain that knows the odds are getting pretty good for this little guy.  We are well past the age of viability.  So far so good.  Next week marks the beginning of the third trimester, and that's even better. 

Yet I can't help but be somewhat transported back to that time in 2006 when I was 27 weeks pregnant.  I had no idea what could go wrong.  I had no idea what a 2 pound 3 ounce baby looked like.  I didn't know what a placental abruption was.  It is so hard to look back on the first time I was 27 weeks pregnant and know what we were in for, and know I can't do anything to stop it or change it.

I am trying really hard to just chill out and have a Merry Christmas here.  My little girl is all about the magic of Christmas this year and I am so excited to provide that magic.  I know I should be enjoying these days, that they won't stretch on forever.  I mean, the odds are I will get to bring a baby home and/or get to go to work eventually, and she'll be off to school.  The days where it is just she and I at home are numbered.   I wish I could bottle them all up now when I know I am under-appreciating them.  I could dole them out one at a time on those days in the future when I am missing her as she is now. 

Particularly at 27 weeks, it is very easy for me to get sucked into the black hole of anxiety and grief.   It is my goal this week to stay busy and focus on the things in my life that are good.  Focusing on the good in my life is actually challenging for me every week, not just 27 weeks pregnant.  It's just extra-important that I don't let stress and anxiety get the best of me this week.  I'm trying to filter out all the outside stressors and just focus on my little family.  I hope you and your family are able to do the same for the Holidays.