Saturday, November 10, 2012

The Long March to the Threshold of Viability

Today, I made the 1.5 hour commute to see Small Town MD.  I really don't like him much.  First of all, I'm 29 and I'm thinking he is younger than me.  I don't like that at all.  Obviously you haven't been a doctor for that many years if you are younger than 29.  Please correct me if I'm wrong.  It would actually be helpful.  What's the youngest average first year resident in this country?  26?  

Second of all....he felt the need to say something along the lines of "Well....we really wouldn't intervene at all before 24 weeks...sorry if that sounds harsh" fricking kidding.  Obviously I am aware of the dangers of preterm labor prior to and immediately following the golden 24 week mark.  But thanks for reassuring me that nothing would/could be done for my baby if it all goes to shit tomorrow.  I mean, the nurse part of me obviously appreciates his straight forward approach.  But the hormonal mommy part?  The part that's in control these days?  She doesn't find him amusing.  I had also just finished telling him that my anxiety feels extreme these days.  I said that every time I experience a vague twinge, much less a contraction, I FREAK out (don't freak out too-- They haven't ever resembled anything regular).  It's so sad that when you are pregnant all of the anti-anxiety meds that have a real kick to them are unavailable.  Actually he didn't even offer me any meds at all.  Jerk.  The one time in my life when I wish I could actually consider taking something.

Lastly.  He just seems more and more uncomfortable with handling my case.  He suggested that I should maybe just see the City MFM Specialist from here on out.  I told him that was a great idea, but I was employing his services because of his relatively close vicinity to me compared to that of City MFM Specialist.  I told him I would love it if he didn't have to deliver, but since he didn't want to schedule a section prior to 39 weeks (he's not comfortable doing it earlier in the small hospital) and I have never made it to 39 weeks in my life I figured I should just brace for the worst and hope for the best.  City MFM Specialist is the organized "Best" delivery.  Small Town MD is the "Oh shit, brace for the worst" delivery.  We agreed that he will continue to monitor until 36 weeks at which time I will be completely transferred over to City MFM Specialist and will pass the remainder of my pregnancy in the city.  

I cried in the reception area on the phone to my friend following the appointment.  I really don't like crying in front of other humans.

Adding to the charm of my day the tiny bank here in FrontierLand is giving me all kinds of issues with the things they aren't capable of.  And when I stopped by my Internet provider's office to discuss my need for an increased download speed, I was told that I have the fastest internet available for my location.  The internet is at less than half the download speeds I had when I lived on the other side of the state.  You know, back when I lived in a respectable town.  All in all, I do feel like I'm adjusting to frontier life better than I would have expected, but the lack of an adequate internet speed just about pushes me over the edge.  I am going to try to research some other options but it appears thus far that I have employed the ONLY internet service provider in a 200 mile radius around me and I may not have other options.  Ugh.

Then!  Then we had our only fully functional vehicle looked over and got the news that it needs a very expensive repair soon.  And it started just blizzarding right when we started heading home.  The 1.5 hour drive took almost 4 hours and there were wrecks everywhere.  There were actual snow drifts on the highway.  Thank the Lord we made it home safely.  I think we've had enough trouble today.  There's four inches so far and due to dump a whole lot more before morning.  Hello winter in FrontierLand. 

In other news...Jerry felt the baby kick for the first time tonight.  It was pretty awesome.  I don't think he's ever felt a baby this early before.  Usually it's a few weeks from now.  Not all of the kicks are visible from the outside, but the really feisty kicks are.  This little fetus is feisty.  Still being very careful not to give away the gender until I get the post up.  

I'll be back later with another fascinating complain-y post. Baby is incubating away.  Mama is not so cozy, but plugging along.  Here's to an uneventful 3 weeks and 2 days followed by several more uneventful weeks. 


  1. I hope you have a very uneventful next 4+ months and don't wind up having to go with the newbie Small Town doc for delivery.

    It does sound like you're adjusting really well to "frontierland". I couldn't even imagine, seriously. I grew up in a major metropolitain area (and still live there). I went to college 2 hours away, in a town that was small (to me) but still a decent size - about 50,000 people.

    I remember one night when R and I decided to go see a movie. We went to the theater, and the movie was sold out. If that happened in the city where we grew up, you'd just drive 5-10 miles to another theater and see it there. But now we were in the small town. We were still standing in front of the cashier, and I turned to R and said "Ok, let's just go see it at another theater." (There were 4 theaters in town, each with 1-4 screens.) The cashier said, "Uhh, there is no other theater to go to. You won't be seeing this movie tonight." It turned out that each screen around town (they were all owned by the same theater company) played a different movie. It was such a foreign concept to me that you couldn't just drive down the road and go see it elsewhere. I stuck it out for 6 years there (my 4 years, plus R arrived at the college a year after me and was on a 5-year program), and then literally the day after he graduated, we loaded up the moving van and moved back to our city. I love to visit small towns and the country, but apparently I'm not made for living there long-term... And now with the internet (our college days were just barely pre-internet), I'd never survive without a high-speed connection... :-)

  2. Thanks for the sympathy on the city thing...I'm definitely out of my element over here and I know people can tell. I just think it's so ridiculous that people choose to live so far from Costco and Target and malls crammed full of chain stores. We used to live about a fifteen minute drive from town in a pretty rural area, but all resources were a short drive away. I can cope to a certain extent, but I just don't see us living out here forever. The lack of dependence on technology is admirable, but seriously? I need an adequate download speed. And let's make it a snappy one.