Testing...

Umm....hi Internet.  I never intended for it to be so long between posts, but here we are.  I need a really long catch up post.  When you are busy it can be difficult to update the blog on both past and present events.  I think I'm going to do it in bullets this time:

• Everything is fine, pregnancy wise.  So far.  I'm 20 weeks and 4 days today.  Need to get a ticker up on the blog but I am a bit paranoid.

• I did find out what I'm having during my last ultrasound but I feel that deserves it's own blog post at the very least so I will reveal soon.

• The gender reveal is awesome, but I have seen a huge spike in my anxiety levels in the two weeks since then.  I didn't really know if I wanted to find out but Jerry really did so....we did.  It literally turns the baby into a person when you hear.  I've spent the first part of my pregnancy (okay, the first 16 weeks or so really) just taking a "wait and see" approach.  I didn't say shit like, "Oh, when the baby comes..."  But now I'm in deep, my friends.  I WANT my baby and the "wait and see" approach is flying out the window.  With it is going any serenity I felt about this pregnancy.  I'm still trying to take it day by day.  I'm just not that good at it.  Do I sound like I'm panicking?  I'm definitely panicking.

• I moved a little over a month ago.  Four days after the move, I hit a deer on the way to my doctor's appointment.  Totaled my car.  The one I just made a very expensive engine repair on.  I had Kiddo with me and I am so grateful we were both (all 3 of us, I suppose) ok.  We stayed in our lane on the interstate the entire time and I never lost control of the car.  I was going the speed limit but it was still pretty fast.  The deer was dead before it hit the ground.  I can't even kill a bug that makes eye contact with me so I felt badly.  And I really liked my car.  It could've been so much worse, but it has still been a huge problem to lose a car.

• Adding to the fun, less than 2 weeks later the engine on Jerry's old truck finally gave out.  I seriously used the AAA membership twice in 2 weeks.  It was the first time we ever even had to use our AAA membership.  I almost didn't renew it this year.  Thank goodness for small miracles.

• So I've spent a lot of time talking to my insurance company lately.  I really dislike insurance companies.

• I am very glad to finally be living with Jerry again.  We ended up living separately for 15 months, and it wasn't fun.  It's so nice to be living under the same roof again.  We are tough, but our relationship took some serious hits and I am happy to say that we have started to rebuild.  It's not anything specific that went wrong.  It's just really easy to grow apart when you both lead your own busy lives, and you are never seeing each other.  It's hard to feel like the other person understands what you are going through.  It's hard not to feel alone.

• I read my last post.  It's always a bit ironic to look back on past posts where I thought I had big problems.  What I really needed was a bit of perspective and I guess I got it.  Between the pregnancy, the relationship "struggles," the vehicle issues, and the move it's been a rough time.  I've been having a rough time.  Not the melodramatic kind.  The real kind.  I'm going to just leave it at that instead of trying to write some whiny nonsensical post about my woes.  Bullet points.

• Jerry's family?  They are excruciatingly difficult for me to deal with sometimes.  I think they really felt like I abandoned Jerry over here when I didn't quit nursing school and follow him when he changed jobs last year.  The truth is I felt terrible for not being here with him.  I wondered a million times if it would cost me my relationship, staying and finishing school over moving to be with him.  Between us we knew that I HAD to stay and finish and we wholeheartedly agreed on the reasons.  If you've been reading since last year you may remember this post.  Number 2?  That was Jerry's family, my friends.  I was too tactful (classy? discreet?)  to say it out loud back then.  I guess we are past that now.  They have certainly been less than tactful about the matter, to say the least.

• Apparently there are certain family members who did not feel I hustled over here quick enough after graduation in June.  I haven't actually taken the opportunity to defend myself to them (and I'm not sure I should even dignify their opinions with a response at all.  It's none of their business in the first place) so I will defend myself here.  Because I'm sure the whole world is interested.  I graduated June 9th.  We went on vacation.  Then I followed him over here and we stayed several weeks into July.  I went home to study for my NCLEX.  I got a positive pregnancy test July 20th (?) I took my NCLEX July 26th.  I put my little house up for sale the DAY after NCLEX.  I sold my house by September 8th and we moved October 4th.  I'm sorry, did I dally too much?

• In their defense I must say, they did not know I was pregnant until last week.  Because I don't really enjoy their opinions so when I was being criticized I didn't want to explain that I was pregnant and not feeling all that perky on top of everything else I was handling this summer.  Because it wasn't their business and I'll be damned if I was going to let them have an opinion on my pregnancy too.

• Also I temporarily blocked my mother-in-law's phone number from my phone.  For a few days.  Because I'd had all I could handle over the last 7 years and I just. needed. a. freaking. minute.  I did feel a little bad about it after a few days and I unblocked it. 

• As you've likely deduced, these are females I am speaking about.  And part of the problem stems from them not understanding why I fought and kicked so hard to get through college.  Neither of them have college level educations and they simply do not understand my kind of female.  To my knowledge they have no desires outside the home and never have.  I'm not trying to bash SAHM's ya'll.  I just don't want someone to turn around and judge me for wanting to become a nurse.  Something I wanted long before Jerry came into my life.  There, I'm done.   

• What do you think?  Do I leave it alone?  Or do I say my piece?  I've spoken up before about another matter and REALLY went off to both females.  They seemed to respond well at the time and truly made an effort to act differently towards me.  But here we are again.  Over a month has passed already, so I've given it time to cool, but I am still so angry and hurt about it.  

• What else?  In the interest of not throwing my career to the wolves while gestating, I am now officially enrolled in an ASN to BSN program.  I recently started my first classes and they are a pain, but I'm really glad to have something to focus on besides the above hot-button issues.

• I should really be studying right now.  That's probably why I was inspired to finally put up a post.  Because I should be doing something else.

• Kiddo is amazing and beautiful and healthy.  She has several loose teeth on the bottom that really need to come out.  She won't pull them.  She is willing to let me wiggle them and pull on them, but even wiggling them causes me to feel dizzy and nauseous so I'm pretty sure I don't have the gumption to pull it.  To be continued...

• Now I'm really glad that I didn't just throw my gender reveal in this messy, nonsensical post.  But look look!  I've pushed my suspicious and anxious nature to the side and added a pregnancy ticker to the top right of the blog.  Behold!