Monday, August 6, 2012

7 Weeks

I am really missing having an adequate supply of energy to get through the day.  I'm just so exhausted by it all.  Not having enough energy was one of my common complaints throughout nursing school, so it's a bit depressing to have even less than the reserve that I previously found inadequate.  I don't remember very clearly exactly when I started to feel a bit better in my other pregnancies but I believe the second trimester is the earliest I can hope for right now.  My caffeine detox over the last few weeks also makes me feel more depressed about feeling fatigued.  I can't drink my usual sugar-free Red Bull that I love so much.  I was long overdue for a Red Bull detox before I found out about The Embryo so I am okay with abstaining in the big picture.  The little picture kinda sucks though. 

I've also never been pregnant while having a five year old who doesn't understand that Mommy is tired.  So that's interesting.  I feel sorry for her.  I pretty much beg her to watch movies and take naps.  Poor kid.  She also seems to have a real knack lately for bouncing/bumping/banging into my sore chest.

What else?  Nocturia has come to stay this week.  I am up at least two times a night for bathroom breaks.  I was naively thinking I had escaped this phenomenon this time around, since it wasn't a problem last week.  It's not exactly motivation for good hydration, is it?

Still no true morning sickness, just stepping very carefully around what my stomach feels a good dietary choice is.  I love spicy food, but have had to tone it down a bit related to heartburn.  If I take a bite of something and it sort of slithers down, I know to stop eating it right away.  I don't force myself to eat anything; that does not work when pregnant.  And I start slowly in the mornings to prevent feeling nauseous.  I actually feel like I have it pretty darn good in this area.  

I have mostly stopped using EPTs to reassure myself of my ongoing gestational status.  Mostly.  Haven't stopped wearing a panty liner. 

I am planning on ordering my doppler when I am at 10 weeks.  I think I will rent again as I really want a hospital-grade one.  I didn't use one this early in my pregnancy with the Kiddo so I don't want to freak myself out when I can't find the heartbeat.  I did get to practice finding the FHTs on several pregnant women who were around 12 weeks along in nursing school and was pretty good at it.  So I figure I will start messing with it a bit after the doctor finds it in the office for the first time.  At least that way I can assume the heartbeat is there and that the malfunction is mine when I have problems finding it at home.  

I am really excited about the doppler.  I hope it helps relieve some of the pregnancy anxiety I am feeling.  I do think I have a better grip on my hormones this week, but the anxiety is definitely there.   It makes me feel really anxious whenever someone (usually my mother who is terrible about this) says something along the lines of "when the baby gets here..." etc.  I know people are excited and they mean well, but that is precisely the reason I can't tell many people.  We are definitely on board with hiding it for as long as we can again.  I just feel so vulnerable to people's reactions and hopeful exclamations.  And questions.   Some people are just FULL of questions when you tell them.  I can't decide which is worse, the ones with questions or the "oh, there's going to be a baby!" ones.  With my mom I am at least comfortable correcting her ("It's an embryo, Mom.  It still has a tail.") and making her take it down a notch, but with others I am often unsure how to get my point across without being rude or seeming like I'm not into the pregnancy. 

When I was pregnant with the Kiddo, we waited until 20 weeks to tell most of our extended families.  I distinctly remember calling one of my aunts and noting a strange tone to her voice.  I chalked it up to the fact that Jerry and I were still unmarried and had chosen to get pregnant again.  Much of my family is extremely religious and she is sometimes one of them.  I was a little hurt to be honest, but I moved on.  

A few weeks later she announced her third pregnancy.  She was due about 4 months after me.  She has always been one of those women who tells the world as soon as she tests positive (because what could ever go wrong?).  She must've just found out that she was pregnant when I called and was probably planning to announce it.  I think she felt like my announcement of my much further along pregnancy sort of forced her to wait a bit before announcing hers. I also knew at that time that I was having a girl and she had two boys and was hoping for a girl (which she didn't get--she now has 4 little boys).  When you have perfect, healthy pregnancies you have the luxury of being jealous/irritated when you don't get the sex of infant you desire--for any of you who don't know what that's like. For me, the optimism/naivety of telling so early is something that I am alternately repulsed by and jealous of.  

In spite of that bit of awkwardness, I think 20 weeks is a good goal to aim for this time as well.  I honestly think I would just announce the child's birth instead of the pregnancy if I could pull it off.  But I can't.  And some people even get offended when I tell at 20 weeks, feeling as though we don't find them important enough to tell earlier or something.

This post is getting a bit rambly, but I suppose my point is that I am very much thinking about the timeline of events in this pregnancy:  doppler around 12 weeks, announcing around 20 weeks, etc.  I'm stopping now. 

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