I am so sick of studying that I can't study. By the time I sit down to study at night, my brain is off. Since tonight was a bust, I now have 3 days to write a case study on a first time mother who is on her first postpartum day. 3 days in which I must also spend 1.5 hours commuting each way, attend a full day of classes, attend clinical, drop off and pick up my daughter from day care, find a moment to smile at the Man and pet the dogs, make sure everyone is fed and clothed, feed and clothe myself, read about ten chapters from three different textbooks on the endocrine system...at least I know my brain is still in there because it HURTS. Is it summer yet? I desperately need a little fighting spirit and a little energy. I want to go to the gym and take my daughter to the pool and walk my dog and plant some flowers (did I mention it has been snowing outside for the past 2 days? That's Montana for ya). I also want to successfully survive nursing school. If I don't post for a bit, it's because I'm treading water.
The upside of all this busy work is that I don't have time to freak out about the fact that it's April. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing all my emotional stuff when I have school as an excuse. I mean normally I am. Obviously January through March cannot be counted as a period of successful compartmentalizing because I was a fricking train wreck; emotional baggage was spilling out of every single drawer and I couldn't shove it all back in for the life of me. Every time I think of last quarter, I start feeling like I'm drowning all over again. Yeah, repression is an absolute necessity for pulling A's in school whilst falling to pieces on the inside. Let's just keep all the shit in neatly labeled drawers in my subconscious until finals are over in June. Then at least something in my life will be in a neatly labeled drawer because the laundry definitely isn't.