Trying to See Some Daylight

I don't feel like ruminating today.  To say I'm in a very very dark place right now would be an understatement.  Baby envy, grief, Mommy guilt, PMS, a sore throat that's lasted like a month now, relationship issues, unemployment, parents that aggravate me, feeling alone, oh yeah and NURSING SCHOOL!  That pretty much sums it up.  Finals are looming and I have to study or die.  My GPA has taken a major hit this quarter, which is terrifying and I have to get a good grade on my Pharmacology final on Monday or I won't pass.  By good grade, I mean a C.  Normally a C would be a terrible grade for me, but this quarter I will take what I can get.  More on my blamey reasons for the grade dive later.  I'm focusing on positivity at the moment...

Let's see...today I passed my final skills competency with flying colors.  Any clinical tests that involve drawing medications into syringes is usually a challenge for me.  It's not that I'm terrified of needles--I was a phlebotomist before nursing school.  It's that I always inevitably get a ginormous air bubble in the syringe that refuses to budge, and I look like a jackass trying to get it out.  In everyday practice, this bubble would likely be ignored by any pressed-for-time RN, but in checkoff an instructor is standing next to you with a clipboard to make sure you get everything exactly right.  And you can't see what they're writing either.  Anywho...on this magical day I drew up the medication and had a large air bubble on the plunger.  I took a deep breath and flicked.  And it just went to the top.  I looked like a pro.  Even better, it was the same instructor who saw my disastrous and futile air bubble flicking during the injections checkoff.  I never have the air bubble issue when I am giving injections at clinicals, so I was relieved to have proven myself competent.  What...a jackass.

My daughter is learning to ride a bike.  We jumped the gun a little last year and bought the bike, but she was only 2 and wouldn't peddle.  It was great fun for her to make us push her up and down the street on it, though.  Well today...she peddled.  She was so excited and impressed with herself.  I miss spending time with her so much when school/my annual depressive episode drags me under.  I have been so busy lately mourning all the time I don't get to spend with her that I mismanage the time I do get with her.  Note to self:  stop doing that.

Time to hit the books.  See you on the other side....