Tuesday, March 29, 2011

No Mountain too High to Climb...Except That Pile of Laundry Blocking the Bedroom Door

A few days ago, while perusing the dear old Internet, I came across an article that hypothesized about lifestyle habits that produce longevity.  One of the top qualities that the long-lived apparently have is conscientiousness.  You know, tidiness, cleanliness, good housekeeping skills and all that.  If this is true...I could go at any time, folks.  I do think there could be some merit to what this article was saying (sorry, I can't recall the name of the article--Google it).  I moonlight at an assisted living facility (you know--in my spare time) and the oldest residents are all neat freaks.  Still, I'm telling myself that this "longevity" is probably just a result of a reduced fall risk because the area is neat.  No hip fractures=living well into old age.  And since I have a detailed plan for old age that includes sitting in a recliner until the cushion has a permanent imprint of my ass and developing a wide variety of addictions to euphoria-producing medications, clutter isn't going to be an issue for me.

My mother in law is a funny girl.  This morning she called my husband and gave him an inspirational speech on her belief that the world is coming to an end.  I feel the need to add here that she is not particularly religious.  She had a whole schpiel prepared about how we should buy plastic totes to store extra canned goods in "if we were smart."  She is not the type of person that one would want to encourage when she heads down one of her quirky little roads, but I had a really hard time not peppering her with a few questions and comments of my own.  I mean, if the world is going to end, we won't really be needing those canned goods, right?  Tsunami?  Tornado?  We would never be able to locate those canned goods before we starved to death.  So if you live in Montana, and something disastrous happens in the near future--my mother in law has canned goods.  Nevertheless, I noticed that I did throw a few extra canned goods in the cart at the grocery store today.  God bless her.  I love my mother in law for a variety of reasons and one of them is her unique take on life.  Prince Charming's family makes me feel...refreshingly normal.  Also, my mother in law is generally helpful and not the intrusive type.  I love you mother in law!

My kitchen table is now the home of the "bad word jar."  This morning as I was circling towards consciousness, I heard my daughter playing in the hall.  She starts chewing out the dog for some minor infraction and through my sleepy haze I hear two choice words:  F****** D***head.  That's right, parent of the year right here.  In my defense, upon questioning she revealed that Daddy had used these two little gems while driving yesterday.  She and I had a long talk, and when Daddy came home we had a looooong talk.  And the "bad word jar" was born.  I enjoy a good swear word as much as the next overworked mommy, but something about the words coming out of my three year old's mouth and knowing she heard it from her parents just doesn't feel good, ya know?

My house is a circus.  Scout finally got neutered last Thursday; by Saturday he had pulled his stitches out and the vet put in staples and sent us home with one of those lovely elizabethan type collars.  He looks so pathetic stumbling around in it.  I took pity on him this morning and decided to give him a break...and ten minutes later I realized the staples were gone.  The people at our veterinary clinic think we are the pet parents from hell.  We have five pets, and when one has to go to the vet, inevitably another will too.  Early last week, the cat had a bladder infection, and in spite of my telephone pleas for an antibiotic prescription for her, we were forced to bring her in.  So I thought, why not make the appointment for Scout and get it all out of the way?  Famous last words.  4 vet trips in 7 days.  And it's not over yet--those staples have got to stay in for ten days still.  Tonight, I took the collar off so he could eat.  I was watching him, the phone rang, I ran to the kitchen to answer it.  By the time I got back to him he had made some pretty good headway on chewing off one staple.  Oh well, there's still 3.5 out of 4 left.

And in other house is still a disaster and no progress has been made.  If I don't suck it up and clean like crazy over the next few days, I will be faced with the prospect of school starting up again while everything is still a disaster.  And with April looming so closely, no one in my house needs anything that will produce more anxiety during a difficult time of year for us.  Hopefully, tomorrow I'll have some progress to report.

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