6 Months!

I know every parent says this...but I CANNOT get over how fast time is flying by.  I wish I could reach out and freeze my children, just as they are, for a moment so I can come back to it later when they are grown and gone from me.  I learned a long time ago--you think you will never forget what it's like to hold your tiny baby in your arms...but it does fade a bit.  The baby gets replaced by a toddler and then a preschooler.  I find that as Tanner progresses through the baby stages, I am remembering things about Roo when she was his age, and I'll think, "Oh yeah, how could I possibly have forgotten that?"  That makes me sad.  Knowing I forget so many little things and I'll never be able to get them all back.  

Tanner is...such a great joy at this stage.  He weighs a whopping 17 pounds now, and he is on the brink of crawling.  He gets into the position and rocks back and forth constantly.  If I get on the floor and call to him, I can just see him thinking about how to get over to me.  He ends up trying to crawl using his hands and feet and then toppling over completely.  I hardly ever see him get frustrated over it, though.  He is always on the move and can get across the living room in no time flat.  He seems content to flop around and play with whatever he encounters along the way so I live in fear of the errant Barbie shoe or toy ring.  He is a happy little dude most of the time, but when he is mad...WATCH OUT!  He seems to be a bit like me in the personality department--doesn't have much of a neutral gear.  He's either really happy or really not.  

In the looks department he is all Jerry.  His eyes are still blue and his hair is lighter than Jerry or I's.

We are just starting to toy with solids and he doesn't have a whole lot of interest, but I'm hoping he'll get the hang of it soon. Because breastfeeding?  Hasn't been all that much fun since I went back to work.  I spend WAY too much quality time with my breast pump.  And then when I get home we have to re-orient to breastfeeding.  I'm nowhere near ready to throw in the towel, but the small break that solid foods will provide will be welcome when it comes.  He's also starting to wake up at night to feed again.  Nooooooo!  We were doing so great at sleeping through the night up until a couple weeks ago. 

I wake up every morning feeling grateful that he is here.  That both of them are here.  The hole Matthew left will never go away.  I know by now that I will always have it.  When I look at my kids in the rear view mirror while I'm driving I always know that one is missing, but I am still incredibly blessed.  When I was pregnant and someone would say something to me that was optimistic enough to frighten me I would say something like, "Oh, I don't count my babies before they hatch."  Gees, that sounds terrible doesn't it?  I loved him from the moment I knew of his existence, but I tried my damnedest to avoid dreaming of taking my baby home.  Because there are no guarantees, you know?  Now as I pass last year's landmarks and remember how scared I was I am just so grateful to be on the other side.  On the 7th, I passed the one year mark of my first ultrasound with Tanner.  I took that little picture out and I just held my baby and cried.  I was 11 weeks pregnant, and I kept my eyes closed until I heard the heartbeat.  He was just a little brand-new being, a little snippet of hope, a year ago and now here I am with a roly-poly little 6-month old in my arms snoring. That just blows me away, you guys. 

I wish the stork would deliver one annually.